Living On Purpose

As a few of you know, I’ve taken a break from Live on Purpose while I sort out some things with my home life and the family business. I had an amazing transformational experience at Big Mind (a method of self-inquiry) and I’ve also started a new level of Holosync brain entrainment to further my transformation.

Holosync has a way of making issues disappear, whether you knew about the issue or not. Doing Big Mind with a facilitator is a great way to bring light to issues you didn’t know you had, or to the reasons you have the issues you know about.

For instance, during the Big Mind process, I realized I had big issues around the subject of caring. Suddenly I remembered all the men in my life who had told me that no one in the world could care about me as much as they did. Why did each of my boyfriends say that to me? Perhaps I had not been able to care about myself; perhaps I had neglected the art of self care. Perhaps when I was a small girl in a very impressionable age, I made a coping method to deal with my mother’s chronic depression. Maybe that coping method was to internalize the idea that it’s not safe to do anything to upset mother for fear of her threats of suicide or her mood swings. This led to me giving up my own sense of self in order to be the peacekeeper and not upset mother. This way of thinking may have worked in the moment as a child, but I’ve outgrown it now and it no longer serves me. It’s way past time to slough off the old way of thinking about my Self.

I see that radical self care seems to be very popular in the media now. There are books about it, seminars and workshops about it, public conference calls about it. So what does it mean to engage in self care? Where’s the line between self indulgence and self care? I think it begins with listening to your soul; with getting still long enough to hear the faint cries of the Self to the self. Where have you compromised your values? Where did you stuff your talents? One message I’ve been getting over and over is that of talent. If you use your God given talents, it will free your soul, but if you stuff your talent and neglect to use it, it may eat away at your soul.

And this brings me to my present challenge. My talent may be producing fine art that explains my spiritual awareness, but I don’t make time for it because of the busy-ness of the business. Or my talent may be in writing, or designing, or any of the other things I dearly love but don’t engage in because of the family business. So I’ve decided to drop the drama of deliberating and just start taking baby steps. My life will work itself out. Up until now I hadn’t owned my position of admin in the family guttering business because my heart was elsewhere. In these past months I decided to fully own it and take steps to do the job much better than before, despite my distaste for it. I’ve hired an accountant, an organizer, gotten an office and a smart phone, and devised a spreadsheet file to help keep track of work orders. We’ve had a banner summer and fall.

For now my self care is listening to Holosync, taking time to exercise, and stepping away from situations where I know I’ve lost my center. I use my emotional guidance system to make decisions on whether I should do something or not. I sketch every once in a while, and for now that’s good enough. What about you? Do you engage in conscious self care?

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