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Purposeful parenting doesn’t mean you have to be a perfect parent. It means you gather knowledge about best practices and do the best you can with what resources you have.
I’ve been thinking about all the things the American public school system does not teach my sons. Public school can teach our children how to add and divide, how to read and write. But unless your child hit the proverbial lottery by being assigned a fantastic caring teacher, public school doesn’t teach your children about making smart life decisions.
I want my sons to know how to choose food based on its nutritional value, not by which animated character endorses it. I want my sons to know how to reflect on their values and know how to tell what they really like to do just because it brings them joy, not because their friends badgered them into it. I want them to know what to do with their anger when it arises so they may be able to transmute it into creative energy for problem solving. I want them to spend their lives making sure their hearts are coherent.
My older son is smack in the middle of middle school. He’s right at the stage where the preteen morphs into the teenager and begins pulling away from Mom & Dad. If I haven’t done my job correctly by now, there’s no stopping him from doing what he wants. But I think I’ve done well. I’ve told him how I measure his progress; that even though I care deeply that he does well academically, I care more that he develops a good and caring character.
Do your sons and daughters know what you value most in their development? Make sure you tell them, or else they will guess.
2 comments
Jen Ray says:
March 2, 2010 at 7:26 pm (UTC -7 )
As a middle school teacher and oldest daughter of five children, I really appreciate your post here. You’re correct, school does not teach children all the things that parents want them to learn. However, I can attest that I do try and we strive to teach with common sense and natural consequences in mind. I hope your sons know how lucky they are to have parents that care so deeply about them.
Jessica says:
March 2, 2010 at 9:03 pm (UTC -7 )
Thank you for responding! It is excellent to hear from a middle school teacher. That age group can be challenging. One minute the students could be acting childish and the next minute they are defying authority. It is natural! I appreciate teachers who can structure their classtime around natural consequences and common sense, much like discipline methods used by the Love and Logic Institute. (My favorite!)