As I was listening to the recorded interview of Micheal Neal and Bill Cumming on The Big Chat, I was reminded of a blog post I made in the summer of 2005.
Bill was telling a story about his mentor, and one day he had made a statement to the effect of, “I hate bigots.” His mentor Mr. Boothby quickly corrected him: “That would make you the problem. Unless we learn to love the bigot this (struggle) will never change.” Every group of people needs to know that their value in the world is a given; it does not have to be achieved.
Here is the story I remembered upon hearing this:
You People from my older blog The Pixellator: Up Close, 2005
I took a customer call today at work and input the sale. Once it processed, the customer engaged me in a conversation. He told me all about how A.A. had changed his life, that he’s on a mission to “convert” more alcoholics, and how he, in the back of his mind, kind of wished there were more alcoholics so he could teach A.A. methods to them. Then he went on to describe how he thinks Christians can never understand the depths of despair and darkness that the worst alcoholics endure, and he said, “You people will never understand…”. I had not disclosed to him what my religious beliefs were. I asked him point blank, even interrupting him mid-sentence, “who do you mean by ‘you people’?”
He replied, “Could I call it namby-pamby Christians?”
I stopped listening to him, but he went rambling on, and I signaled for my coworker to make the phone ring!
Now, here is my reply, which I seem to always think of way too late to be of any use.
Once a person allows his mind to separate himself from others by classifying people into groups, he becomes blinded to the fact that we are all unified as a group called Humans.
We all like to rationalize about how people are. What that does is allow us to distance ourselves from the incredibly hard work of self-criticism. Please, everyone, when you catch yourself thinking, “you people,” let that be a signal to yourself that you have some introspection to do!
This little story still rings true for me; no matter the differences between two groups of people, as long as they separate themselves into “us” vs. “them” our dualistic, therefore combative, world-view will dominate.
I have been interacting with some teenagers in recent years, and some of them seem to think that “respect” has to be earned. As in: someone else has to do or be something worthy for them to give their respect. Perhaps that’s true in gangsta movies, where the druglord uses domination tactics to intimidate people into submission, but it’s not really respect; it’s fear.
I think respect is something you give to all humans by virtue of being alive. Admiration is earned.
A person’s value, their self-worth, is not to be tied up in the things they have or do, it’s just a given. Your value to the world is intrinsic to you, by virtue of being a human.
So, back to the us and them mentality.
Why do I have introspection to do when I blame another group for the problems in the world?
When you put it this way, isn’t it a little clearer that “us and them” is another version of the blame game? And when we blame others for our problems, we are sidestepping our personal responsibility to own our problems. Blame mentality is easier on the mind of the accuser than introspection.
This blog post does not offer solutions to anybody’s problems. I’m simply offering a new view: take the shift in mentality to look inside yourself first. See if you’re genuine, or elitist, or judgemental, or whatever. Then watch that part of you, don’t condemn it.